You may be stuck in a job that isn’t fulfilling, because you think it’s going to give you the financial stability that will lead to happiness.
You may be stuck in a job that isn’t fulfilling, because you think it’s going to give you the financial stability that will lead to happiness.
Or maybe your habits are keeping you stuck.
It could be your self-image, or fear of change.
But what if you could change your mindset and find happiness right now?
Maybe you’re stuck in an unfulfilling job. Maybe you’re stuck in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. Maybe you’re stuck in a life that isn’t fulfilling. You’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work.
Perhaps it’s not the situation that’s holding you back — maybe it’s your mindset.
You may be stuck in a job that isn’t fulfilling, because you think it’s going to give you the safety and security that will lead to happiness.
You may be stuck in a job that isn’t fulfilling, because you think it’s going to give you the safety and security that will lead to happiness.
Safety and security are important, but they are not the most important thing in life. Safety and security is an illusion, because it can be taken away at any time. Safety is not the same as happiness. Happiness comes from living a life that is in alignment with your values.
You may be stuck in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy, because you don’t want to rock the boat.
You may be stuck in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy, because you don’t want to rock the boat.
When we’re stuck, we usually know it deep down. We know that our life just isn’t where we want it to be in some way. We feel like we lack control over events or circumstances, and that can lead us to become even more passive and reactive. It can also cause us to go into fight-or-flight mode—we either resist change altogether or try to push too hard for change, both of which can lead us further into feeling stuck or overwhelmed.
The thing is: many people stay stuck in this place of fear and anxiety because they are afraid of rocking the boat. They don’t want to upset the other person (or themselves) by doing something different or making a change, so they continue living their lives with an underlying sense of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
So why do we get stuck? Why do we let fear keep us from changing our situation? Here are some common reasons why people don’t rock the boat:
You may be stuck in a toxic relationship because you fear being alone.
- You don’t want to hurt the other person: This is a valid point. However, you are doing them and yourself an injustice by staying in an unfulfilling relationship. They would be better off with someone who can fully commit emotionally and mentally to being in a relationship with them. It’s not fair to stay with someone who doesn’t love you or appreciate you enough to realize that they are doing more harm than good.
- You don’t know how to get out of the relationship: You will never know until you try it. It’s time for some self-reflection—when you’re alone, spend time thinking about what needs to change and how you can achieve it. If it’s talking about your feelings and concerns, then do it; if it means breaking up, then do that too—don’t let anyone else talk you out of what is best for yourself!
- You don’t want to be alone: Again, this is a valid concern, but the worst thing that can happen is loneliness; think about all of those great things that could come out of taking this step forward? You may meet someone who makes everything worth fighting for and waiting on.
- You don’t want to be seen as a failure: Who says failing at something means there will never be another chance? Your first kiss may have been less than stellar, but now look where we are! All relationships take work and involve compromise – so no matter what happens just remember that YOU did your best. And if all else fails…wait five minutes before calling back.
You may be afraid to speak up and share your passion with the world, because it might not lead to a paycheck.
The fact is, you don’t have to feel bad or guilty about not making money from your passion. The entire idea that a paycheck is synonymous with success is a harmful one.
Still, there are ways to make money doing things you love, if that’s what you want. For example, you could start a consultative business and be paid by for your skills and knowledge. Or you could craft something handmade out of passion and sell it online. There are so many options today!
Think back to when you were a kid playing with Barbie dolls or Legos—you didn’t do it because someone told you to or because they were paying you; instead, it was fun. Your passion led the way and guided your decision-making process.
If we look at your life now, what would be different about it if your passions led the way? Would your career look different? How would this change impact other areas of life?
You may be afraid of success, because it means stepping out of your comfort zone into unfamiliar territory.
If you’re stuck in a mindset that keeps you from reaching your goals, it could be that you’re afraid of success. It may sound counterintuitive, but many people are afraid to advance and make progress toward their goals. Why? Because success means change—and change is uncomfortable for most people.
Here are some of the fears underlying an unwillingness to move toward success:
- Fear of the unknown. For example, if you graduate with a BS in engineering and land a job at a top corporation, how well will you adapt to that new environment? Will you fit in socially? These questions keep us from taking risks because we’re afraid of what we don’t know—even though our fears may never come true.
- Fear of disrupting the status quo. If you achieve your goal and start succeeding, things will definitely get shaken up. Your life might not look like the lives of the people around you anymore; they might not understand why things have changed or why they haven’t changed themselves yet; they may even resent your progress and accuse you of being selfish or self-centered. Letting go of relationships like these can be hard to do, but sometimes it’s necessary when striving for success.
- Fear of having to learn new things—or relearn old ones! Learning creates growth and development—but it also creates vulnerability and exposure as we put ourselves out there (feeling like a newbie again!) and try new things that challenge us intellectually and personally.
- Fear of having to work harder than ever before was one I faced as I became a fulltime entrepreneur managing both of my businesses after years spent an employee. What would happen if I had my days jam-packed with meetings and conference calls instead?? What if every morning were filled with back-to-back interviews with candidates instead?? What if I had so much work lined up on my calendar that I had no time for anything else???
You may be afraid of failure, because then you’ve lost something or let someone down or have nothing to show for all your hard work.
You may be afraid of failure, because then you’ve lost something or let someone down or have nothing to show for all your hard work.
This is a common mindset that actually works against us. Failure is usually a part of success in whatever we’re working on—it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road. Instead, it can teach us how to deal with stress and improve our coping skills. It can help us learn more about ourselves and what our values are. It allows room for growth in new areas of life that might have been previously unexplored or off-limits due to fear.
What happens if you do fail? What’s the worst-case scenario? Is it really so bad as to never even try? Is there anything you could do to prepare in case things don’t go according to plan?
Are limiting beliefs standing in your way of achieving career clarity?
Limiting beliefs are the beliefs that we have about ourselves that hold us back from achieving our goals.
A limiting belief is a strongly held opinion or thought that you think is true and has to be true, but it’s not always proven to be fact. You choose to believe it because it’s comfortable for you to stay where you are.
You can change your limiting beliefs, but it takes time and effort. That’s why so many people find themselves stuck in this cycle of “I want something more, but I don’t know what it is.” It may sound harsh, but if you want to break free from your limiting beliefs, then you have to get uncomfortable and stop blaming others for your career frustration (which is another one of those sneaky limiting beliefs).
A simple question: does your mindset need to change? You probably already know that when you change your mindset, you will also change how you see your obstacles and how you react to them, and you will be surprised at how much easier it is to tackle them head on. It can seem hard to make these changes in our lives, especially when we’re not used to thinking about things in a different way. But with some practice and a lot of patience, imagine how you’ll find it easier than you think to achieve your goals and get unstuck. Sooner or later, you’ll increase that self-improvement because you know it doesn’t happen overnight, after all!
I’m Twanna Carter, Ph.D., and I help high achieving professional women who are anxious about transitioning into a new career, have absolute confidence and belief in their own abilities, so they can communicate their unique value, honor their true purpose, and boldly pursue their dream career.
In less than an hour, you can join the thousands of other women who have gone from being stuck in a career they hate to feeling fulfilled by a job that aligns with who they were meant to be.
Schedule your free 15-minute Career Transition Consult here: bit.ly/drcarter_15min
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