“I’ll rest when everything’s done.”

How many times have you said that to yourself? Like you didn’t believe you deserve to rest..

I used to tell myself that same thing, between back-to-back meetings, raising a family, checking on aging relatives, and trying to hit one more professional milestone. Rest wasn’t a priority. It was a reward. Something I thought I had to earn.

But here’s what I’ve learned, both through my own journey and in coaching hundreds of high-achieving Black women leaders:

You deserve to rest. Not because you finished your to-do list. But because you are human.

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The Unspoken Rulebook We’ve Been Following

For many of us, rest feels like a betrayal of everything we’ve been taught. Growing up, I watched the women in my family do it all, work full time, raise kids, take care of their husbands, care for elders, and still show up at church like everything was under control.

We come from a lineage of resilience. But sometimes that resilience turns into over-functioning.

We’re taught to:

• Be twice as good.
  
• Never let them see you sweat.
  
• Keep going no matter what.
  

And while those lessons may have helped us break barriers, they often came with a cost: 

our health 

our joy 

our peace.

Somewhere along the way, “success” got tangled up with exhaustion. And it’s time we untangle that.

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Success Without Rest Isn’t Sustainable

Let me tell you about Jacqueline, a former client of mine, who was a VP in her company. She was the definition of a high performer: smart, strategic, and deeply respected. But under the surface, she was barely holding it together.

She didn’t sleep more than four hours a night. Her weekends were filled with catching up on work. She ignored the signs of burnout because “people are depending on me.”

Sound familiar?

It wasn’t until she landed in the ER with chest pain, which turned out to be stress-related, that she paused long enough to ask herself, “What am I doing to myself?”

That moment was her wake-up call. And the first thing we worked on wasn’t time management. It was this mindset shift:

Rest is not a reward. It’s a right.

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You Deserve to Rest: Rewriting the Narrative

So, what does it mean to deserve rest? Let’s break that down.

1. Your Worth Isn’t Tied to Your Output

You are not a machine. You are not here just to produce, perform, or prove yourself.

You deserve rest simply because you exist. Not because you crossed everything off your list, crushed your KPIs, or helped everyone else solve their problems first.

When we believe we have to earn rest, we reinforce the lie that our value is tied to how much we do. And that belief? It’s a setup for burnout.

2. Rest Fuels Leadership, It Doesn’t Diminish It

One of the biggest myths I hear is that rest will make you less effective.

But let me ask you: When was the last time you made your best decision when you were sleep-deprived, irritable, and emotionally spent?

Real leadership requires clarity. Vision. Emotional intelligence. And none of those thrive in exhaustion.

Some of my best client breakthroughs have come after they gave themselves permission to unplug. To go away for a weekend. To take a nap in the middle of the day. Yes, even a nap.

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Redefining Success on Your Terms

We need a new success model, one that includes boundaries, ease, and joy. Here’s what redefining success might look like for you:

1. Prioritizing Your Peace Over Pleasing People

That means saying no without guilt. Blocking off time to think. Delegating even when you know you could “just do it faster yourself.”

As one of my clients once said, “If it costs me my peace, it’s too expensive.”

2. Creating a Schedule That Serves Your Life, Not Just Your Boss

You don’t have to be in every meeting. You don’t have to answer every email within the hour. The badge of “always on” is not a leadership requirement. It’s a recipe for burnout.

Start designing your calendar around your energy, not just your responsibilities. For me that means taking off on Fridays to ensure I don’t burnout.

3. Allowing Yourself to Enjoy the Life You Built

So many of us worked hard to get here, the title, the home, the financial security. But are you actually enjoying any of it? When was the last time you were happy? I mean, really happy?

Give yourself permission to enjoy your life now. Not five years from now. Not when the kids graduate. Now.

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Rest as Resistance, Especially for Black Women

For Black women in leadership, choosing rest is more than self-care.  It’s revolutionary.

Because rest flies in the face of every stereotype that says we have to be strong, tireless, and self-sacrificing. It says:

• My health matters.
  
• My joy matters.
  
• My humanity matters.
  

When we rest, we reclaim time, presence, and power. And we model something powerful for our daughters, our teams, and the next generation of leaders watching us.

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How to Start Resting, Even If You Don’t Know How

You might be thinking, “This sounds great, but I don’t even know how to rest anymore.”

You’re not alone. Rest isn’t just about sleep, it’s about giving your mind, body, and spirit what they need. The first shift is that you starting believing you deserve to rest.

Here are some starting points:

1. Schedule Rest Like It’s a Meeting

Put it on your calendar. Block off time to do nothing. Start with 15-30 minutes a day and protect it like you would a board presentation.

2. Learn to Sit with the Discomfort

The first time you rest, you might feel anxious. Like you’re “wasting time.” That’s normal. It’s your nervous system adjusting. Stay with it.

3. Start Small, But Start

You don’t need a 7-day retreat. Start by turning your phone off an hour before bed. Taking a slow walk. Saying no to a non-essential request.

Remember, rest is not one more thing to master. It’s an unlearning process.  One deep breath at a time. Because you deserve to rest.

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A Personal Note. How Rest Changed My Life

I’ll be honest with you.  I didn’t learn to rest until my body forced me to.

Years ago, I ended up with high blood pressure and sleep apnea. My doctor looked me in the eye and said, “You need to choose rest now, or your body will choose it for you later.”

That was the wake-up call I didn’t know I needed.

Since then, I’ve redefined what success means for me. It no longer looks like back-to-back Zoom calls and proving my worth in overwork. Now, it looks like clarity. Four day work weeks every week. Spaciousness. Trusting that I don’t have to carry it all, and neither do you.

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Your Invitation: Reclaim Your Rest Because You Deserve to Rest

So I’ll leave you with this:

You don’t have to be exhausted to be effective. You deserve to rest. You deserve ease. And you don’t have to prove anything to earn it.

This week, I invite you to take one small step toward reclaiming your rest. Maybe that means taking a day off. Maybe it means saying “no” to a request. Or maybe, it just means believing, even if only for today, that you’re allowed to pause.

Because your rest isn’t just necessary. It’s sacred.

🌿 Why Prioritizing Rest Makes You a Better Leader, Not a Weaker One

Let’s be clear: Rest isn’t a detour on the road to success. It is part of the fuel that gets you there.

When you embrace the truth that you deserve to rest, you give yourself the space to:

• Make clearer, more confident decisions
• Show up fully in your personal and professional life
• Create from inspiration, not just obligation
• Lead with presence instead of pressure

Rest enhances your emotional intelligence, deepens your intuition, and strengthens your ability to hold space for others. Especially in high-stakes environments. The leaders who last, and who lead with impact. are the ones who know how to pause, recalibrate, and protect their energy.

Choosing rest isn’t stepping back. It’s stepping into the kind of leadership that is sustainable, soulful, and aligned.

So the next time guilt creeps in or hustle whispers in your ear, remind yourself:

You deserve to rest. And when you do, everyone under your influence benefits from a more grounded, present, and powerful you.

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Looking for Support?

If you’re ready to redefine success and build a life that includes you, I’d love to support you. As an executive coach for Black women leaders, I help my clients create space for rest, clarity, and legacy. So that you fully believe you deserve to rest.

Click here to schedule a V.I.P. Roadmap session or learn more about upcoming workshops focused on leadership with ease.

I’m a certified executive coach and an ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC) for Twanna Carter Professional & Personal Coaching, LLC. I flubbed my first career transition from the military so badly, it took me the next 10+ years to build my confidence and  recover. I know what it feels like to struggle with imposter syndrome and uncertainty about my leadership skills in the workplace. It’s why I am dedicated to empowering Black women. Helping them navigate career challenges and uncertainty by providing them with the tools and strategies they need to be successful. Schedule a V.I.P. Roadmap session today.

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